Dear Azna,

My adult daughter asked me two years ago for money to go to a clinic for Lyme disease. She has not gone to this clinic but seems to be recovering OK. She has returned to college and is functioning; doing photo shoots and even acted in a movie last month.

She never says she feels better but she looks better and acts like she feels better. I am paying off a school loan so she could register/attend college again, and giving her money to help with her rent.

Her father gives her some money and her brother does also. Because I am helping her in these ways I feel I could go ahead and use the money we were saving for that clinic, to pay my bills off.

My son who is holding the money said that he thought I should just let the money be hers for whatever use she wishes, but I want to use it myself.

She was pretty demanding about my getting funds for her clinic, and I sold my house to do this for her. (Bought a smaller house and gave her the money from the equity) So if she is not going to the clinic I feel OK about using it now to pay bills off. What should I do?

Confused Mom

Dear Confused Mom,

Your daughter is fine. Use the money for yourself. It is your money. First do something nice for yourself that you normally would not do. You have spent your whole lifetime putting everyone else’s needs and opinions ahead of your own.

This is your wake up call! Take more care of yourself and stop living for everyone else.

Your children need to learn their own lessons. Take your hands off the controls and allow them to fly or fall according to their own choices.

(Don’t be surprised if your daughter has a temporary ‘relapse’ when you use the money for yourself.)

This may seem very uncomfortable to you at first and your children may complain that you are not paying them enough attention. Time for you to focus on your own life and the enjoyment of it.

I love you, Azna